Constancy

For some people, their world is somewhat constant, minus the rarity of a vacation.  They come and go to work every day, maybe stop at the gym on the way and go home to cook dinner.  They see the same people all the time and don’t forecast any change for the future.  Change is scary in their world.  They want job security, a mortgage, and good credit.

For most people I live around, their whole existence is a constant metamorphosis.  Noone wants to put down roots and I don’t blame them.  Tomorrow is much more exciting when its contents are unexpected.  People come in and out of our lives as the seasons change and life moves on.  Some of the people I meet and talk to here have experienced more places in the world than most of my elders and they are only in their early 20’s to early 30’s.  I envy them in a way, because although I have experienced a good amount of places, I feel like somewhere along the way I lost some of the youthful abandon that allows you to travel guilt-free without any thoughts of your future.  Maybe it was the couple years I spent making good money that pushed my mind on in life; the thoughts of 401k’s and saving to pay taxes.

I feel that each day for me, I struggle to get back to where I once was, claiming I wanted nothing to do with corporate america and all that it offered up.  I never needed money to be happy before, especially considering I never had it, so why should I need it now?  Through most of my life’s adventures, I’ve traveled alone.  Maybe there have been others along the way here and there; I’m not a hermit.  However, there’s never been a constant.  That is the difference between then and now and the reason I feel I can’t quite get back to that point.  I want that constant.  I found someone who I thought might be there for me… the constant throughout all the other changes, and hopefully he still will… but that is also something that might change and it is possibly the first time that I fear change.  In one person, I have been faced with the weakness of the many, the fear of the unknown.

I covet change; I crave it.  My one request out of a job is that I will be constantly learning… that is why I chose the path of an artist, but I am yet to fulfill it.  Instead I sit inside an office and I write on the ever-changing internet walls about adventures I am yet to experience.  I feel my rate of change is slowing and it may be time to give it a boost… off to a new location, a new way of life, and a new experience.  I just hope that the one constant that I desire will come along.